goodnight world...for now.

So it's goodnight to the world for a little while... last one out turn the lights off.

So what have we learnt?

1. Koala's are not bears but in fact marsupials - their closest relative being a wombat.

2. If you want to work in Australia you have to wait atleast six months for your visa to clear.

3. America is the world leader for entertaining Hobo's (The winner being the black guy in Boston who shouted 'Hey Baldy, I would've kept the wig on' and then started whooping like James Brown)

4. Everyone in America thinks they are Irish; they are not, they are American.

5. It is easier to watch televised football in America and Australia than it is in Britain as it is all free and on normal television.

6. It is illegal to hold a Koala in New South Wales but perfectly alright in Queensland where Koala's are allowed to be held for up to half an hour per fortnight.

7. American's are, by in large, genuinely warm, self effacing people; the ones who are loud, self opininated, moronic, offensive, rude and who think Wales is in England seem to be the ones who leave their country and impose themselves on the rest of the world. Yes, you Katie.

8. The bloke on the Aussie $10 bill looks uncannily like the late (Thatto) Heath ledger.

9. New York is awful and more people should admit it...

10. ... apart from the Chelsea Hotel which is eveything it should be.

11. Fortitude Valley in Brisbane - where you can go into a bar, get glassed, bandaged up and carry on drinking - was obviously the inspiration behind Mad Max.

12. Summer Heights High is the best comedy series in the world at the moment.

13. There is a one hundred quid difference between buying Timberland boots in the UK and in the states.

13. Airlines should are legally able to seat you in the midst of a party of teenage dancers from Florida who are are pumped up on E numbers and have been watching High School Musical on a loop for the last six months.

14. San Diego is classy and has the best zoo in the world.

15. The Greyhound bus is safer, quicker, cheaper and more comfortable than any form of transport in the U.K.

16. Noone came make cider like the English.

17. Everyone everywhere (apart from the north of england) supports Manchester United.

18. There were no rabbits in Australia in 1839, there are now in excess of 300 million.

Sydney almost redeems itself (but doesn't) with probably the best beer garden in the world.

After a hellish fifteen hour bus ride down the coast that nearly broke Sandra (AGAIN) we arrived in Sydney at 6 a.m for the early check in we had requested at the hotel, only to be told in best pidgin english that hotel room not ready til 2 pm to every single question we asked. Then the woman tried to charge us twice for the room.

Forced to traipse the streets for an hour we found that something had gone wrong and the sun was cracking the flags. We ended up in a district called The Rocks under the harbour bridge which appears to be the best bit of the city. We found a pub and went to the beer garden - which was situated on the roof - and had a view of the opera house which even i have to admit looks a lot more grand in the sunshine than the rain (see view above).

As you can see all Sandra's wadrobe experiences have finally tired her out...

Last Day in Paradise

It looks like this will be our last day before we take the bus back down to Sydney. The mood is extremely sad at having to leave. It looks like the trip is coming to an end and the only good news i can think of is somehow i haven't managed to miss an episode of Lost without even trying.

Last night we returned home after going to an evening market on the beach to find the biggest flying fox you have ever seen munching his way through the lemons on the lemon tree outside our balcony. It didn't even seem bothered that we were watching it. Sandra wanted to stroke it, but my 'rabies' pep talk soon put her off.

This being Surfers Paradise, San decided to try and surf the ironing board for her wardrobe shot - and she didn't fall off once.

So until Sydney...

Surfers Paradise, QLD

After the success of Brisbane we decided to stay in Queensland for as long as possible before having to travel back down to Sydney. We moved 50 km's along the coast to a place called Surfers Paradise which pretty much does what it says on the tin. It's quite commercial but given that we are out of season it is pretty quiet. The beach is breathtakingly beautiful and we have been spending most of our time there.

The main demographic the place is aimed at is the late teens and early twenties and at night they have stands on the streets where people attempt to thrust leaflets into your hand to get you to sign up for the latest club party or party on a boat or foam party and the like. Now in over a week i have not been approached once -NOT ONCE - by these people who are working on commission to fill these places with anyone. Everyday i try to walk a bit closer and maintain eye contact but they just look the other way or pretend to be looking underneath their stands. They obviously think that my best partying days are behind me, well i'll show them. I'm going to get get invited to a crap over priced club party before the week is out - watch this space.

I got up at quarter to five to watch Liverpool get beaten by Chelsea and then spent the morning on the beach hungover, depressed eating a meat pie and getting sunstroke (i think the picture above illustrates my mood perfectly).

Sandra and i have been engrossed (or in her case engrosed) in a reality T.V programme over here called 'The Biggest Loser'; fifteen likeable normal people have to lose weight and the biggest loser well... wins. It is extremely effective as the people do not care less about being on the cover of heat magazine as soon as the show is over. Last night was the final and about fifteen minutes before they announced the winner the television in our motel decided, of it's own accord, to retune itself rendering all the channels useless. Sandra turned as angry as i have ever seen her and was on the verge of walking into the locals pub over the road to tell them to turn the aussie rules football off and get the diet show on or demanding that the motel manager let her watch his telly. In the end i didn't have to restrain her from doing so as the telly magically clicked back on with three minutes to go. She still looked on the verge of angry tears when the winner Sam was announced.

Crikey... Australia Zoo, Beerwah, QLD

Another state, another zoo... this one belonged to the late, great Steve Irwin. Though it was quite expensive they had a refreshing attitude to public safety and you could pretty much hold whatever animal you liked for a price. The most expensive of these was the tigers which cost a whooping $450. We spoke to midget from Canada called Karl who had just done the tiger trail and he said that you had to have two handlers between you and the tiger at all times and you couldn't make eye contact (with the tiger, not the handlers). Now, for that kind of money i would want to be riding the tiger around the car park.

Anyway, Sandra plumpted for a $20 possum called Pippa and i got a massive tortoise called Igloo for the same price. This being Queensland it was free reign to stroke as many koala's as you could get your hands on so we did that too.

Fortitude Valley, Brisbane, Queensland

Well, despite what we had heard (Cheers Jim) Brisbane turned out to be amazing. It's the anti Sydney in lots of ways - really quiet with loads of great bars and restaurants & markets and shops.

Sandra used her uncanny unconcious internet booking skills to find a hotel that was over the road from a fetish shop where you could dress up like one of the Village People for only $59.99 - bargain. The area is called Fortitude Valley and it is about 20 minutes walk from Brisbane's CBD; it's fair to say it's rum old place. Here is an example: last night we went to a bar and a bloke got glassed in the head. There was blood all over him; one of the bar staff ambles over and casual as you like starts bandaging his head like pudsey bear the whole time laughing and joking. Then the fella and his mates carried on drinking at the bar while the bandage filled up with blood. The police station was only six doors down the street and they didn't think the incident warranted a visit. In fact, the only thing that changed after the glassing that the blokes there changed their drinks from lager to red wine. Insane.

Musical Fact: The Valley is where the legendary Go-Betweens come from and also the less than legendary Keith Urban & Savage Garden.

We also went to the supurb art gallery - see above and were also appalled to see the Big Issue sellers here can't even be arsed to stand up to beg and even bring chairs out with them. We even saw one today who had a drink from Starbucks. They are not even trying.

Lone Point, Queensland

As we mentioned a couple of weeks back it is an offence in New South Wales (and almost all other territories) to hold a Koala. However, the exception to this rule is in Queensland where the first and largest Koala sanctuary was founded in the 1920's to protect the endagered species. There are now over 130 koala's living there so the government has given dispensation for koala's to be held, and brilliantly, they have worked out an exact time that the marsupials can be cuddled for: 30 minutes a day.

As if cuddling Koalas wasn't amazing enough you can also just walk around the park hugging and feeding random kangaroos. They are so tame that toddlers are hanging off their necks and mauling them and they don't bat an eyelid. One bolshy french teenager did shove a camera in one of the kangaroo's faces and it jumped up and kicked him, which was an amazing moment - unfortunately i couldn't get the camera out in time to film it.

While we were having our dinner a lizard (pictured above) actually dropped out of a tree onto the ground next to us. Lone Point then, full points for cuddling animals, nil points for health & safety.

On a bus for seventeen and three quarter hours.

It was either Johann Wolfgang von Goethe or Kanye West who said if it doesn't kill me it will only make me stronger. I can only assume whoever it was who said it, they had had the misfortune to travel the on the 17 and three quarter hour trip from Sydney to Brisbane on a Premier Motor Service coach on the back seat which is 18 inches to the left of the toilet door. (see above, my face after two hours in -the white thing is the toilet door handle).

To make sure our journey was even more extra special the neo nazi with the Freddie Mercury moustache at the coach desk made us remove 5kg from our luggage and then put this into a bin bag which would then be free to empty out all over the cargo containers under the coach as soon as it moved. The bus was full up, so despite the fact that we were one of the first to check in, he made sure that we were sat on the back seat with me adjacent to the toilet door; this meant that everytime i was on the cusp of sleep either a severe looking German backpacker in stonewash denim would efficently pull the door open its full weight into my leg and look at me quizically as if to say 'Vy is your leg blocking zee door?' or a dosile chinese girl in her pyjamas would spring out of the toilet and crash the door with inches of my face and then shout "I velly solly!"

Add to this that the driver (who also had a Freddie Mercury moustache - maybe it's part of the uniform) would drive the 450 miles by alternating between doing 100 mph + on the motorway, in the teaming rain while tail gating lorries then for no reason pull off into a country lane and trundle along at 20mph for the next hour. To make matters even more surreal we pulled into a service station off the motorway and there were half a dozen kangaroos sat on the grass in the dark looking at the bus. Sandra was going to attempt to give one a hug but was frightened it might punch her.

Too early to make up our mind about Brisbane yet; but it seems to be true what my mate Dave said, everyone looks like they have come from the shallow end of a very small gene pool.

Finally, i woke up this morning to see Sandra's attempt at travelling light set out on the table, thought i'd take a picture. In the last place we stayed i counted up and there were 32 items of makeup and hair products in the bathroom.

$10 Polystyrene Shoes

I think it's worth noting that at this point in proceedings i have taken to wearing $10 dollar fake croc's sandals made entirely out of polystyrene from the local knock off chinese market. Even homeless people in australia will not stoop to wearing these. I am not sure if i have reached an age where i do not care what i look like anymore or this is indicative of my current mental state.

I can see you Launa.

Well where else to go after the visa news? The Zoo... Tarronga Zoo infact - which the guide told us is the Aborigini word for 'Sea View' but which Sandra misheard, magnificintly, as the aborigini word for 'I can see you.' Her dream almost came true when we were minutes inside the zoo and she was allowed to have her photograph taken with Launa the koala bear (she did manage to keep control of herself and not do any stroking and in the process not risk the wrath of the law).

The zoo itself was bizarre - like half of noah's ark -with only one of every animal. But they did have tree kangaroos (kangaroos that live in trees and hop along the branch's - why has the world not been told that these exsist?) and red pandas. They also had red belly snakes (The err... black snakes above) which were found in the bushes around our cabin in Tuggerah.

Ibis Hotel & Visa Trouble.

Not the greatest of days... after we have gotten round to sorting out jobs on the central coast we have found out that despite being skilled migrants and elligible for visa's it will take in excess of six months for them to process and then we have to apply to the state we want to work in and then do unpaid work experience for two weeks before being allowed to work. We worked out that it will cost around $10 grand to rent a place and live before we could draw a wage. In my calculations that's approximately $10 grand more than we can afford to spend. We may have to travel until we spend up, come back to Blighty and sort it out for next year. Phtttttttttt. Still Sandra continues to fit wardrobes of dwindling size.

Roarrr!!!

Due to us having plenty of time because of the rain we have managed to add more photos to the blog. Just scroll down to the previous posts and you'll see them.