On a bus for seventeen and three quarter hours.

It was either Johann Wolfgang von Goethe or Kanye West who said if it doesn't kill me it will only make me stronger. I can only assume whoever it was who said it, they had had the misfortune to travel the on the 17 and three quarter hour trip from Sydney to Brisbane on a Premier Motor Service coach on the back seat which is 18 inches to the left of the toilet door. (see above, my face after two hours in -the white thing is the toilet door handle).

To make sure our journey was even more extra special the neo nazi with the Freddie Mercury moustache at the coach desk made us remove 5kg from our luggage and then put this into a bin bag which would then be free to empty out all over the cargo containers under the coach as soon as it moved. The bus was full up, so despite the fact that we were one of the first to check in, he made sure that we were sat on the back seat with me adjacent to the toilet door; this meant that everytime i was on the cusp of sleep either a severe looking German backpacker in stonewash denim would efficently pull the door open its full weight into my leg and look at me quizically as if to say 'Vy is your leg blocking zee door?' or a dosile chinese girl in her pyjamas would spring out of the toilet and crash the door with inches of my face and then shout "I velly solly!"

Add to this that the driver (who also had a Freddie Mercury moustache - maybe it's part of the uniform) would drive the 450 miles by alternating between doing 100 mph + on the motorway, in the teaming rain while tail gating lorries then for no reason pull off into a country lane and trundle along at 20mph for the next hour. To make matters even more surreal we pulled into a service station off the motorway and there were half a dozen kangaroos sat on the grass in the dark looking at the bus. Sandra was going to attempt to give one a hug but was frightened it might punch her.

Too early to make up our mind about Brisbane yet; but it seems to be true what my mate Dave said, everyone looks like they have come from the shallow end of a very small gene pool.

Finally, i woke up this morning to see Sandra's attempt at travelling light set out on the table, thought i'd take a picture. In the last place we stayed i counted up and there were 32 items of makeup and hair products in the bathroom.